I’m part of an élite group. It’s a place where I hang-out and shout my beefs and joys about living in Italy. It’s also a place where I’ve virtually met, and been inspired by expats who have, or are living in Italy.
This wonderful group has helped me see the ways of a country which has been in turmoil since Fred Flintstone helped build Bedrock. The name of this fabulous group is:
Today I posted a question, or rather a statement about what has happened to me since I moved here in 2008:
Within the span of two days the following verbal garbage spilled from the mouths of locals:
- You’re skinny, you can squeeze between the two cars.
- When I look at you by your profile you look pregnant. Are you pregnant?
This happens often, too frequent for my liking so I took to my super élite group of expats in Italy to see if this is happening elsewhere. And guess what? It is!
Shocking I know, and sad at the same time.
We brainstormed until the rain came (well, on the mainland anyway, here in Sardinia it seems to only thunder, without the rain) and this is what we’ve come up with:
Top 12 expat comebacks to say to someone if they ask: Are you pregnant?
- No, I had a wrestling match with a spoon and a 1kg jar of Nutella and the Nutella won.
- No, we went for pizza last night. I ate mine, then I ate my husbands.
- No, I haven’t pooed in four days. Where’s the pharmacy?
- No, I cannot imagine anything worse than being pregnant … where can I buy a bottle of Prosecco?
- Maybe, but I don’t know who the father is …
- Maybe, but please don’t tell my husband, he’d be terribly upset.
- Maybe, but I can’t stop smoking these lovely Italian cigarettes.
- OH! I hope not! We are using three different types of birth control …
- Yes, it’s twins.
- Yes, but it’s not mine.
- Ah yes, it’s terrible isn’t it, my stomach bloats after I eat because I have irritable bowel syndrome.
- Yes, is it legal to have an abortion in Italy?
I’d like to thank the wonderful expats from Italian Reflections who put a smile on my face … daily.
Are you an expat? Do the locals ever say anything of the like to you?