I’m part of an élite group. It’s a place where I hang-out and shout my beefs and joys about living in Italy. It’s also a place where I’ve virtually met, and been inspired by expats who have, or are living in Italy.
This wonderful group has helped me see the ways of a country which has been in turmoil since Fred Flintstone helped build Bedrock. The name of this fabulous group is:
Italian Reflections – The social group for expats’ reflections of life here in Italy…
Today I posted a question, or rather a statement about what has happened to me since I moved here in 2008:
Within the span of two days the following verbal garbage spilled from the mouths of locals:
- You’re skinny, you can squeeze between the two cars.
- When I look at you by your profile you look pregnant. Are you pregnant?
This happens often, too frequent for my liking so I took to my super élite group of expats in Italy to see if this is happening elsewhere. And guess what? It is!
Shocking I know, and sad at the same time.
We brainstormed until the rain came (well, on the mainland anyway, here in Sardinia it seems to only thunder, without the rain) and this is what we’ve come up with:
Top 12 expat comebacks to say to someone if they ask: Are you pregnant?
- No, I had a wrestling match with a spoon and a 1kg jar of Nutella and the Nutella won.
- No, we went for pizza last night. I ate mine, then I ate my husbands.
- No, I haven’t pooed in four days. Where’s the pharmacy?
- No, I cannot imagine anything worse than being pregnant … where can I buy a bottle of Prosecco?
- Maybe, but I don’t know who the father is …
- Maybe, but please don’t tell my husband, he’d be terribly upset.
- Maybe, but I can’t stop smoking these lovely Italian cigarettes.
- OH! I hope not! We are using three different types of birth control …
- Yes, it’s twins.
- Yes, but it’s not mine.
- Ah yes, it’s terrible isn’t it, my stomach bloats after I eat because I have irritable bowel syndrome.
- Yes, is it legal to have an abortion in Italy?
I’d like to thank the wonderful expats from Italian Reflections who put a smile on my face … daily.
Are you an expat? Do the locals ever say anything of the like to you?
So? Pray tell? How far gone are you!! Wha ha HAA!! 😛
I get this question from time to time, but never had a good comeback…until now. I am definitely using the constipation one next time!
Please do, and let me know what their reaction was like! 😉
Especially considering how obsessed Italians are with their looks, it never fails to amaze me how tactless they can be about letting other people know if they look overweight. Viva la sincerita’? I LOVE these comebacks and wish I had the balls to use one the next time the lady at the supermarket asks me *again* if I’ve got another kid on the way, pointing to my belly. The funny thing is, I think they are honestly completely oblivious to how insulting this is!
Oblivious, yes! I give you free reign to use anyone of these comebacks!
LOL this is too funny!
Fabulous post Jennifer – I’m still laughing. I always liked Dave Barry’s words of advice: “You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.” 🙂 All the best, Terri
GASP! what’s wrong with people?!?!?!?! I don’t get the strange expat question.. but people ask ‘why would you move here’ in a way that makes me seem like I am a freak.
My fav come back from your list of options is ‘Yes, but it’s not mine…’. Say, what???
LOL…not only do you gals have a body issue, its 9 months since I suspended running and people are now asking me the same question 😦 – I think I’ll opt for the third case too
It’s simply a cultural thing. We also get asked how much rent we pay, how much our car cost, how much we earn, how much we drink etc. Not things we would get asked in the UK.
I get the same thing! I don’t think they would have the guts to ask my husband these questions.
Three of us read and laughed out loud. Thanks for entertaining us Jennifer
Great post, funny too! I agree if you ask it is very rude! If the woman is she will tell you when she wants you to know! Have a great day! Your group sounds like fun!
My sister’s in China teaching, they wouldn’t accept it when she said she wasn’t pregnant, in the end she kept punching her stomach so they finally gave in and said she must be constipated! So, could be worse!
LOL! I’m a big girly anyway, so they look and *nearly* say something … Thanks for the laugh, I think I will store these retorts for any future comments! Gis
Glad I have you a laugh out loud moment. I can’t wait to start using these comebacks. Ill be sure to report back!
Italians are very good at commenting about weight gain/loss aren’t they. The English don’t, but it is kind of expected over here.
I love the No, I haven’t pooed in four days. Where’s the pharmacy?
I think I will use this one
It’s a learning curve in Italy, that’s for sure. I would never ask a woman if she’s pregnant. I think it’s rude – it’s better to wait and have her tell it.
I’m with you – as the author of just two of the above comebacks, the poo humour is the best!!!
Ha ha great post! I was once asked
If I was carrying twins when I was pregnant and I wasn’t even that big yet!
No I haven’t had that experience 😉 but I never ask myself. If they want to tell they will. If not then not.