I recently read a hilarious meme on Eupedia titled: you know you’ve lived in Italy too long when... It was an awesome read and made me think about the past five years of my life; holed up in small-town Sardinia. So, I decided to write a list about living in Sardinia, Italy.
40 ways you know you’ve lived in Sardinia too long
- Time ceases to exist in all matters of urgency and you learn patience really is a virtue.
- You talk with your hands and a few facial expressions to get your daily bread.
- The deli clerk, butcher, bartender and painter know what colour your underwear is.
- You don’t care when people push in front of you while waiting in line as you now have this iron clad patience.
- You hear multiple gunshots go off in the near distance signalling that it’s October & hunting season has begun.
- Casu Marzu intrigues you and you are tempted to ask the local shepherd about it but can’t stomach the thought.
- You notice a community poster stating that construction will begin on your street in a months time. The following morning construction begins.
- You find a job and work like a horse only to be paid months down the road.
- You go for a 6k run and finally have the courage to flip the finger and shout asshole to anyone that drives past you faster than 30mph.
- You get irritable if you miss your 3 hour siesta.
- You stop comparing prices against the Canadian dollar because fuck, everything is expensive on an island, in Italy.
- You foolishly believe that Sardinia is a country on to her own and are shocked by the shenanigans of the ‘mainlanders.’
- You drink only purified spring water from the mountains high up because plastic bottled water freaks you out.
- You walk 3km up-hill to collect this precious spring water; carrying 10 litres on your back on the way back down-hill.
- You say ‘only if He permits’ as you gaze sky-wards when old ladies ask you why you’ve not created life.
- You carry little old ladies groceries home from the supermarket, cause well, they remind you of your Nana.
- You speak more of the local dialect than you do in the national language.
- You hitchhike and people pick you up because you’re that crazy Australian, American, Canadian girl and they want to know more about you.
- You are a converted espresso drinker; you drink three cups of espresso before 11am.
- You realize that one mirto is okay but two mirto will knock you out for days.
- You go mushroom hunting in the mountains and step in cow dung; you don’t squeal like a girl because tonight you are cooking a mushroom risotto for 8 people.
- You go wild asparagus hunting and fend off wild dogs with a stare down.
- You eat pecorino cheese for breakfast, lunch and dinner because it’s just that good.
- You don’t own a cell phone because all your friends & family are on Skype.
- You have no real girlfriends here because they are all jealous of your Australian, American, Canadian heritage.
- You show up an hour late to every appointment because that’s just the way the cookie crumbles in Italy.
- You are scheduled for a pap smear while menstruating and when you try to protest the doctor asks you – what’s your problem?
- You pay €100 for every gynaecologist visit which lasts seven minutes and involves two doctors a nurse and your husband.
- You befriend every local cat, kitten and dog even when the locals tell you not to.
- Other expats reach out to you who are living/lived in Sardinia and they confirm that it’s not easy to live & work in Sardinia.
- You have a few haters because of your blog; they want you to shut the hell up and stop talking smack about the reality of living on a small island in the Med.
- After 5 years you realize the grass is the same colour all over the world.
- You receive baked goods, canned goods, fresh fruit & vegetables instead of iStuff for Christmas, Thanksgiving and your birthday.
- You stop a friendship with an elderly man because he asks you how many times you “lay under your husband.”
- You hear and see jet fighter planes that soar too low and think the world is coming to an end and hide under the bed for the rest of the afternoon.
- You wear the same clothes for five days in a row and sometimes sleep in them.
- You refuse to work for € 3.90 an hour because it’s unethical and against your Australian, American, Canadian rights.
- You are chastised for refusing the above payment – you should be grateful to even have a job at all – but you aren’t.
- You pee in the bushes, even on the side of the road and you don’t care who see’s you.
- You respond to yes questions with Eja and say Ajo all the time.
Did you laugh out loud at any of these points? Which ones? Tell me below.
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LOVE LOVE LOVE this post! I can definitely agree with A TON of these (and maybe add a few to the list, lol!)
Please do add a few to the list, I’m always up for a chuckle. 🙂
I laughed out loud re: “only if He permits”! #25 made me sad.
“You receive baked goods, canned goods, fresh fruit & vegetables instead of iStuff for Christmas, Thanksgiving and your birthday.” – Wait a minute! actually they give you iCarciofi, iPeperoni, iPapassini… lol
I’m laughing too hard to type a response…
Awesome! When you stop laughing come back and tell me which one made you roll over! 🙂
The one that cracked me up was “The deli clerk, butcher, bartender and painter know what colour your underwear are.” The first couple of times I did laundry I hung my underwear all over the chairs in the kitchen. I finally gave up and just hung them out on the line like everyone else.
I used to hide mine in the bathroom – like it was shameful to wear underwear, but they took forever to dry and finally hung them on the line outside. Thanks for stopping by.
No problem. So you are Canadian too? We are from the west coast – Vancouver Island.
I am Canadian, yes!
Definetely the last point! ahahahaah
You hear and see jet fighter planes that soar too low and think the world is coming to an end and hide under the bed for the rest of the afternoon.
I don’t think I will ever get used to seeing those machines in the sky!
Loved #1 (now that’s the REAL telltale! when you start saying ok, no stress, we’ve got time, who cares, that’s when it’s time to beat it — at least for me it was :))
The one about not having real friends as they are all jealous of your Aus, US and Cdn heritage, that is also very true. Goes with smalltown life: First they are curious, then they try to figure you out, then they try to spread their wings over you, then if you say thanks but no thanks, they start hating you.
Love all of them; and when you stop comparing the local $ against the home $ I think you’ve fully arrived and are ready to accept everything where you are now living. 🙂
I think comparing the $’s comes naturally – but living here has made me stop entirely. It’s heartbreaking to know how expensive something is here compared to back home. It’s all about the voyage, however! 🙂
Haha! Well, when you got to pee – you GOTTA pee!
This reminds me of life in my hometown in the Philippines. Life in an island definitely has its charm and still we love it. Have a great weekend!
2, 3, 7, 15, 34 and 28th the most. Great post, Jennifer. 🙂
Thanks for the laughs, Jennifer. 🙂
LOL at everybody’s knowing what colour underwear you are wearing. Call that village life… We’ve been told that when we go to our holiday home in Croatia, everybody knows our business, even before our plane has landed and before we know it ourselves….
I’m pretty sure they even know what colour I wear each day! 🙂
I really enjoyed your post .. LOL
but you forgot one point … you have reached a irony that typically Sardinian;)
attention probably what you say dialect has prestige equal to Italian in some contexts, Including writing ..
A menzus bider
Thanks, Lu. An interesting link you’ve provided!
LOL you’ve definitely gone aboriginal Jenny Ajo! (peeing in the bush?? well that’s Ok if you’re Crocodile Dundee but not very Sard I’d dare say – the (few) local ladies I know are capable of keeping their urgency for hours and hours on end rather than expose their butts publicly)
Unlike me, I can’t hold it. When a girls gotta go a girls gotta go! 🙂